Before you say another word…

You know this is what the rest of your life will be like if you marry him, right?

 You better get used to it.

I could never do that.

You knew what you were getting into when you started dating.


These are just a few of the comments I get on a regular basis when it comes to my relationship with Clint.  I have always wondered, am I the only one who gets these comments?  Am I the only one who is bothered by them?  I decided to ask… “What phrases/ responses bug you the most?”  Below are some of the answers from women all across the nation who have a significant other in the military.  

 

“Well, He signed up for it!”  This one leaves me speechless most times. I hold my tongue a lot when it comes to talking about the military with a “civilian.” No one volunteers to be on the other side of the world on Christmas day instead of with their family.

  I hate hearing “I don’t know how you do it, I couldn’t”.. We do what we have to do to move forward.

 “what happens when he dies? How much money do you get?”

 none really bother me much I just think when they say “i don’t know how you do it” or “I couldn’t do it” that they really have no idea what love is if they aren’t willing to wait for their man for a year.

I hate “My husband went out of town for 5 days. I know exactly how you feel”. Yeah ok, sure you do.

‘well you signed up for this life style Sophie, you knew how it’d be’ yes, I did but it doesnt make it easy

the worse ever is “why did you have kids, if you knew you would be raising them alone” this one hurts, we have kids because we love them

“You knew it would be like this.” ~UM, NO… I didn’t know we would be in a war, didn’t know he would deploy to a war zone 3 times, a year each time, and dang it, I don’t have to be “hard” and not emotional.

“so what do you think hes going to do out there, u know hes going to cheat on you right”

 Its not just the responses I get…its when people use the term Navy wife. Like, “Oh….your a Navy Wife” as if I am nothing else, as if that defines me.

I would say the rants about how awful the “war” is are the things I hate hearing the most….All the rants either sum up that he’s stupid or what he’s doing is stupid.

It just amazes me that people can only see it from their point of view. When I bring up any of those things I’m not asking for sympathy, but a little bit of support would be nice. Civilian families usually can’t understand what we go through and think that we bring it on ourselves and that we want the lonely days and nights and crazy hours.

 

We have all been in a situation where finding the “right” thing to say is difficult.  Talking to a military significant other is just another one of those times… No one can be expected to always know the perfect, magical words.  But the comments above are honest thoughts, from real women, who are just trying to live life as best they can with the person they love.  If nothing else, let this be food for thought and a glimpse into the minds of the brave, strong-willed, unselfish women who stand behind our military.

 

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5 thoughts on “Before you say another word…

  1. Good grief! I've heard these all before but never from friends. If people really say some of these things to you, I'd look into finding some new friends. On the other hand, I feel somewhat grateful when people say "I don't know how you do it." I think they really couldn't know until they're in the same position. Of course, it's easy to say that you'd do anything for the one you love and I'm sure they would do the same if put in that position. Perhaps the wording is all wrong, but I think they mean it as a compliment. I always feel like they're trying to say, "I admire that you are strong while your husband is away." Anyway…interesting post! πŸ™‚

  2. I feel like i've said this to you a million times, but I always hesitate at giving you advice because I will never know how you feel on the inside. It's really easy for people to tell you that "time will go by fast" or "you'll get used to the distance" …but really, no one has a clue about what you really feel deep down inside. Therefore, here's what I have to say to you Prudencia….I really admire your strength and both you and Clint's amazing ability to keep the relationship strong!!!! Hearing you talk about Clint and how excited you get whenever he's home really make me realize that I need to appreciate the people that I love….not just Woo, but my family, friends, etc. and not to take anything for granted!xoxo Kim K πŸ™‚ PS I have soooo much catching up to do on this blog! One entry at a time! πŸ™‚

  3. You are too sweet Kim. But thanks a lot for making me tear up at work jerk!! Honestly though, you saying that really means a lot! πŸ™‚

  4. My fave is not really ever spoken out loud but constantly assumed. CONSTANTLY. That, since we are a military family and my husband has a steady paycheck, we must be rolling in the money. Our families think this, our friends assume this and it is not at all uncommon that we get asked how much money we make, how much extra money we get if we have more children, etc. (Apparently, they have no clue)Also. that we are so lucky that we don't have to play for a place to live.These comments really irk the crap out of me.I do, however get tired of the cheating cliches, that my husband has it easy since he is on a boat and not in the "actual" war. At this point, I usually feel the need to stop them and advise that he has been to the "actual war" three times.Thanks for allowing me to read your blog! I enjoyed it and hope to read more soon!

  5. I hate the "you knew this was what his job when you married him…" Or "You knew this was a possibility when you married him." Yes, I did know what he did, but trust me, him leaving for the twentieth time DOES NOT make it any easier. Nor does knowing about it before hand for that matter. I too hate the all the cheating cliches. All married men are after the single female sailors and and the single female sailors dont care if a man is married, they will go after him anyway. That happens anywhere, in any job field. I hate that "Navy wives" usually get characterized as "crazy. All we do is sit at home and pine for our husbands, and come up with crazy thoughts about him being unfaithful and what not while gone. That is quite the opposite!I know I am late to respond to this, but I thought it was a funny topic, and had a few things to add!!!

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