…from the worst blogger alive! I’ve decided to start writing again. Not sure why I really I really stopped, I suppose part of me felt like I was getting repetitive and uninteresting. But more so, I think I just didn’t feel that need to write. Let me explain.
When I first started this blog, I was in a tough place. My husband (at the time fiance) was off somewhere in the Pacific with limited communication, I was planning our wedding without him, and I was completely scared/sad/angry/overwhelmed that he was going to be deploying only a short 28 days after our “I Do’s.” I was questioning my strength and if I really had what it takes to be a military wife. Out of this came a strong urge to begin writing. I wanted to get things off my chest. I needed to share that I was struggling. My hope was that it would become my coping mechanism to deal with the situation that was about to become my life for the next 15+ years. And if it also just happen to give clarity to my civilian friends, or helped another military spouse along the way, or caused Ellen to fly me to the carrier to visit Clint, then even better.
I guess what I am ultimately getting at with all this is that I came to realize that I didn’t need the blog to help me cope as much as I originally thought. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy writing and my secondary reasons for the blog are still very true. But I think I was placing too much dependence on pouring my heart out in my blog to get me through, rather than turning to myself, God, the amazing people who have been put into my life. Over the course of the past few months I have certainly had rough patches, moments where I burst into tears every 15 minutes, times where I just feel sad and hopeless. In these situations it wasn’t sitting alone in my room writing my blog that helped pull me out of the funk or got my mind off things. It was reminding myself that I am a strong independent woman who is head over heels in love with an amazing man worth the wait, spending time with my family, a soothing hug from my parents, reassuring conversations with co-workers, wine nights and dinner dates with friends, prayers to God to remind me that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Writing is a powerful tool and is not something I am discouraging by any means! All I am saying is that for me, there were better ways to get through everything. Now here we are with deployment slooooowly coming to an end and I’m still alive ‘n’ kicking, and I can honestly say I no longer doubt my ability to do this. I am married to a man in uniform, I’m damn proud of it, and wouldn’t change the life I have (well maybe less deployments). I have developed amazing friendships with other women in my position, I’ve gotten closer to my family, and found strength in some of the most unlikely places.
To close, I will be the first to say that it is easy to have fears of the unknown and doubt our ability to overcome life’s obstacles. But like a great quote I found says “you never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.”
by the way – i’m amazed at how many people still check out my blog on a daily basis even without new posts! you all give me another reason to want to write again! 🙂