After reading my post from last night, a fellow Vinson wife said that she wished she could be as optimistic as me. Reading her little note actually made me chuckle a bit because, believe it or not, I tend to think I’ve been more of a pessimist these days years. I can only explain it by saying that being in this role has kind of turned me into an actor, I guess. I think it’s safe to say that it’s not an uncommon thing to do when faced with difficulties in our lives. Exposing your vulnerability and showing how much hurt you may be going through is hard!
For me, attemping optimism (whether genuine or acted) ultimately comes down to 5 things: saving my sanity, the fear of being unfairly judged, minimizing people getting sick of me, avoiding/ending uncomfortable conversations, and the forced idea that I’m suposed to always “be positive”. I guess what I am trying to say is that take my optimism with a grain of salt. While it is quite likely that I sincerely mean every word I say, to some degree at least, it’s just as possible that it could be total hog wash.
With all that said, though, please consider this. Sometimes I just need to be pessimistic, and sometimes I just need to be sad. I mean, who are we kidding. Life as the military spouse who is left behind during a deployment can really suck. No one wants to be away from the person they love for months on end. Most people can’t even come close to imagining what it would be like to be separated for a week! So when I am in one of those moods – Please just give me a break. Let me wallow in my sadness for a bit. Don’t tell me to be positive. Simply be there and listen. Consider where I’m coming from and how difficult it can be. Just allow me to get it out of my system so I can take my next step forward.